Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2021 7:20 am
302777 Views
0 Comments , 78 Pending
Allergy Eyes
Posted:Apr 11, 2021 7:02 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2021 4:58 pm
257 Views
I decided to trek out yesterday....

And found myself on Lake Michigan. It's kind of funny how it's always calling me back, how the sound of the water and the feel of the sand beneath my feet is so soothing, relaxing.



It's amazing how much the beach can change from year to year.... Water levels raising, lowering, beach, no beach.

It takes a while to take it all in, to see all the sights, and marvel over the changes.

Enough time that it affected my allergies, apparently.

I woke up this morning with swollen, puffy eyes and I look like death warmed over.

Yikes!

All I can say is, Benadryl, work your magic!
16 Comments
How much is too much?
Posted:Apr 10, 2021 2:57 am
Last Updated:Apr 11, 2021 7:19 am
566 Views

Depends on what it is.

Onions in a tuna fish sandwich.

If your eyes water every time you bring your sandwich up to your mouth to take a bite? You've got too much onion.

If the smell of your own breath is making your nose hairs curl, you've got too much onion.

If you can brush your teeth and taste nothing but minty onion? TOO MUCH ONION!

So, yah... I might be talking from experience here.... Maybe last night...

Hair .

Bald.

Bald is too much....

Thursday after work I had an appointment to talk to a colorist. Those evil greys are going to rue the day they decided to appear in MY hair!

RUE I tell you!

When I got there, there was already a Mom, , and Aunt there. The Mom was moral support, the Aunt had cancer, and the was donating her hair.

So, after a week of COVID arm, mental collapse, and work stress....

I decided doing something good for someone else was needed and I also donated my hair.

And, no... I am not bald.

McDonald's French Fries

There will NEVER be too much....

The day I got my second COVID shot I had stopped at McDonald's on the way home and picked up that Big Mac meal thing for the Spawn and I.

It's been a while since I'd gone to a McDonald's... Things have CHANGED.

What hasn't changed? My love for their fries.....

I ended up trading my Big Mac for the Spawn's fries and ate nothing but fries for dinner that night.

Unhealthy? Yah....

Was it comfort food for my broken soul?

Absolutely.

So, it's taken a minute for me to collect myself back up and get my shit together once again. But, here I am, living on french fries and onion laden sandwiches killing my heart ache with good deeds.

In my world, it feels like things are getting back to normal once again.

Until my next crisis, happy Saturday.
24 Comments
Me? Falling apart at the seams??
Posted:Apr 8, 2021 3:46 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2021 7:21 am
952 Views
Never.....

Nothing like a little mid-life crisis to make things interesting!!

The Middle received his cap and gown in the mail this week.... Graduation Day is looming ever closer.

I've shed so, so many tears....

His new chapter is starting soon and he excitedly awaits that next step and I'm literally dying inside at the mere thought.

Every step we take toward his independence feels like a giant leap to me.

It's been a month of change.

He is now independently insured, no longer is he on my car insurance policy. This is the last month he will be bundled into my cell phone group, going forward, wherever he goes, he has that responsibility. I was not notified of his most recent dental appointment as he was now 18 and I didn't need to be present.

I am so proud!

But, I am so scared.... I am so scared because I don't know what life will be like without him. I am scared that I can't protect him. I'm scared to let him go....

But I will.

Be prepared readers....

The next 8 weeks are likely to be an emotional rollercoaster for me and you'll probably get a ring-side seat to it all as I share my crazy here.

19 Comments
It's the Wednesday shit show!
Posted:Apr 7, 2021 5:36 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2021 3:04 am
1146 Views
Pull up a seat, you don't want miss a thing!

It started with waking up COVID arm.



Not gonna lie, it's kinda unpleasant! Apparently it's a 'thing', I googled it!

So, there I was, all gimped up in my office, the heat from my swollen, enflamed arm giving me hot flashes while my glasses fogged up from my mas...

And person after person was mobbing for help.

Really??

They can't see that I'm lamenting in my pain with my office door shut???

I pretended be on a conference call for a while before finally deciding my hair was driving nuts, so I headed the bathroom throw it up in a pony tail.

Little did I know the maintenance guy had just been in there and fixed the heating element in the hand dryer...

So, I put up my hair, I blew my nose, I washed my hands, I went use the hand dryer....

And POOF!

My wet hands disappeared into a cloud of black soot from the hand dryer.

"What the hell?!? Holy SHIT!"

The soot fused itself to my wet skin.

Gimped arm, hot flashes, black hands...

I tried to straighten my glasses without touching them but the door bumped my arm as I was leaving the restroom and my glasses flew off my face and slid squarely into the men's room as a customer was going in.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Gimped arm, hot flashes, black hands, glasses in men's room....

"I see you used the hand dryer."

It was the maintenance guy. Super nice guy, I really do like him. Today, however, I wanted to beat him with my dead arm.

"Yah. What the hell??"

He laughed.

"Hey, can you get my glasses out of the men's room? They slid in there when I was trying not to touch them with this hot mess."

I was dramatically waving my hands around, he laughed and apologized. I don't think he realized the black cloud of death would escape during the first use.

He retrieved them and we talked for a few minutes more before I headed back to my office sanatize my glasses with a clorox wipe and hopefully get some of the soot off my hands as well.

Worked like a charm!

Unfortunately, this was just a precursor for how the rest of my day would turn out.

And now? Here I sit... My arm hurts like a bitch, my amazon fire stick is fucking up, and I can hear fire works shooting off somewhere in the distance.

Just your typical Wednesday night...
27 Comments
Kinda like Gloria Gaynor....
Posted:Apr 6, 2021 3:00 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2021 7:45 am
1492 Views

I will survive.

I got my second COVID vaccine yesterday, everything still appears be in working order.

My arm is swollen at the injection sight and it feels warm and tender the touch, but aside from that, I'm side effect free.

I'm VERY thankful!

I'm not ready to talk about the Spawn yet.... But, we have hugged it out and things are better.

I've just got so many emotions, some of it is being fueled by the fact that my leaves in a few short weeks. Just typing these words brought tears to my eyes.

I don't think I can talk about that either.

A post best saved for another day....
25 Comments
And the Scum Mom of the Year award goes to....
Posted:Apr 4, 2021 7:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2021 2:11 am
1943 Views

Me.

It's Easter, he has risen.

It's a day when families are supposed to come together and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.

What am I doing?

I'm screaming at the Spawn because she's worked my last nerve and I refuse to put up with her newly developed 'entitled' attitude and clear disdain for me in general.

HAD IT!

I'm crying at the thought that my Middle , the one that loves me, is leaving me soon and I'll be left with HER...

The one who hates me.

"Give me that phone RIGHT now! Ear buds too. Gone!"

"Really mom? Is that how you're going to this?"

"Oh, that's not enough? I didn't take away enough to make you feel it yet? Ok, I want ALL of the stuff I bought you yesterday. Everything!"

"Whatever, I haven't formed an attachment to it yet."

"Fine, I'll take the stuff you did form an attachment to. Pick out an outfit, 1 pair of pants, 1 shirt. NOW!"

Grabbing her arm and throwing her into her bedroom, she started to cry instantly but picked out one outfit.

"Great! See this outfit?? You're going to get real comfy with it because for the next month, this is ALL you're going to be wearing."

Now here I am, silently crying out on the balcony so she can't hear how upset I feel.

what started all this?

It all started when I came home from the gym this morning and found my cute little kitty waiting for me the door. I picked her up, listened to her purr for a minute, and headed down the hall to wish the Spawn a happy Easter.

Glaring at me, she curled her lips and sneered "What?!? What!!"

"Tillbot and I want to give you a hug and wish you a happy Easter!"

"Oh my God, get away from me...."

And, that was it. I saw my lifetime of motherhood flash before my eyes and any composure I once had was gone. I morphed into a raving lunatic throwing packages of underwear down the hall and screamed.

I'm pretty sure this feeling I'm feeling, right this very moment, is the feeling of my heart shattering into a million little pieces.....

I don't think it can ever be the same again.
25 Comments
The Friday Fuckits
Posted:Apr 3, 2021 3:19 am
Last Updated:Apr 6, 2021 3:02 pm
2076 Views
It was a ROUGH day Friday.



I got very little sleep Thursday night as the Downstairs Nightmares were loud as fuck all night long.

The new apartment manager is gone already which means our complex is temporarily being managed by someone out of Flint.

Flint.... Yah.

Can't really pop into a Flint office and drop off my written complaint very easily, seeing as how they only accept written complaints now. This means the fucktards can run rampant without fear of violation

I'm pretty sure I was a borderline psychotic all day Friday. It didn't take much for me to cross that line between fine and complete, mental breakdown....

Begin Scene

"Hey, what's up?"

"I forgot my name badge at home today, can I use my spare badge?"

"This is the THIRD time this week! You are the fifth person today who has 'forgotten' their badge and I've had to either make a new one or give them their spare. At the very minimum it takes 5 minutes of me dinking around with a name badge just so you won't get in trouble for not having a badge. Including you, so far that's been a half hour of my day."

And, this is where the mental breakdown comes into play....

"Your spare name badge isn't in the book. You know what that means, don't you?"

Ugh... I think I might see some tears....

"Um, that I used my spare name badge and didn't bring it back?"

"Yah, you did. Good luck with that. I suggest you find one or both of them because if I have to order a new badge from imaging, I'll have to charge you."

Slamming the 500lb book shut loudly enough that it echoed down the hall, I turned my back and put it away.

End Scene

I was pissed off yesterday but now I feel bad for the . I don't normally do stuff like that, that was completely out of character for me. I'm surprised people weren't chucking snicker bars at me hoping for my smiley office girl persona to return.

Needless to say, the moment I got home last night my head hit that pillow and I was out.

Another scintillating Friday night!!
15 Comments
Toilet Brush Confidential
Posted:Apr 1, 2021 3:38 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2021 9:26 pm
2505 Views

I was brushing my hair into a bun after work last night when I heard the Spawn's voice chiming in behind ...

"Ew! I can't believe you're using that brush."

"Why?"

"It was in the toilet!"

"What do you mean it was in the toilet?? When was it IN THE TOILET??"

"I dropped it in there when I was packing last week. I think I forgot to tell you."

Well, isn't that fucking fantastic! I've been combing my hair with a fucking toilet brush week.

"Forgot tell ?!? Yah, right! Well, I forgot tell you that you now live with your dad. Pack your bags, you're taking the toilet brush with you."

If looks could kill, she'd have X's for eyes, I swear to God.

She's lucky I love her....

Happy Thursday!
32 Comments
I couldn't sleep this morning....
Posted:Mar 31, 2021 3:24 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2021 9:30 pm
2704 Views
So, I made cheesesteak stuffed peppers!

What better way to start your day than an hour long ordeal involving raw meat, onion tears, and the smell of burning green pepper!





As harrowing as that ordeal sounds....

The finished product looks AMAZING!



And THIS, my friends, is the reason why I'm the chubby girl who has to go to the gym every day...

Happy Wednesday!
29 Comments
Full Moon Crazies
Posted:Mar 30, 2021 2:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2021 7:44 pm
2792 Views
It's that time again....



Cars are getting egged in the parking lot, my ex husband is sending my Middle over with lasagna and cookies for my dinner, and I'm getting into arguments with people I work with about stupid shit.

It's the full moon crazies, I tell ya!

Last night at the gym I had the misfortune of having to use the treadmill next to Sweaty Armpit Guy, once again.

Let me tell you, this guy is a real peach!

Not only did I get to see him shirtless but I also got the added bonus of watching him wipe his entire shirtless torso with moist towelettes between machines.

It is a sight I cannot unsee.

Happy Tuesday!
18 Comments
I've gotta be honest....
Posted:Mar 29, 2021 3:34 am
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2021 3:32 am
3027 Views
I'm leaning more toward ocean.



Just saying...

I fell asleep in an odd position last night.

Do you ever find the moment you get warm and comfy and snuggled in for a good movie you fall asleep in the blink of an eye?

Happens to me often!

I awoke at 3 o'clock this morning still propped my pillows. The tv had shut itself off during the course of the night but I could see a light coming from somewhere just out of reach of my right hand.

, that's right.... I'd been texting back and forth with someone when I probably just 'disappeared'.

Leaning forward, I experienced that crippling moment of first movement after sleeping awkwardly for a period of hours.

Fantastic!

A game of Candy Crush was open on my phone and I'd woken from a dream where I had kissed Nose Hairs. I could almost still feel the wetness of his lips upon my own....

Then I happened notice my kitty pawing at the game of Candy Crush.

Well, that explains how the game was remaining active....

Did it also explain the realism of that kiss?? You know how sometimes stimuli that's happening in real life can affect the outcome of a dream???

Ack!!

I'm choosing believe a dream is just a dream and no cats were licking my lips while I slept.

Ugh, what can I say, it's a Monday....
29 Comments
If you could read my mind....
Posted:Mar 28, 2021 9:46 am
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2021 1:47 am
3208 Views

I just love this song Gordon Lightfoot.

If you could read my mind right now, you'd be lost in my thoughts, I'm afraid. There's a lot going on in there today.

I received this ice breaker message yesterday...

When you’re getting your pussy ate, do you prefer to be on your back with your legs spread wide on either side of my face, or bent over with your face in a pillow with your ass in the air for me to spread those big ass cheeks apart so I can bury my face in that ass for a taste?
3/28/2021 1:23 am


Doesn't that just make you weak in the knees??

Personally, I'd rather not have someone's face buried in my ass. At some point, I'd like to kiss those lips and.... Yah, that's not going to happen if I know it's been there.

Just saying....

But, it made me wonder. Do men really think this way? When you see a woman for the first time, are these the types of first thoughts that are running through your mind? When you talk to women, is this what you're picturing?

I talk to a lot of guys during the course of a regular day.... I'm kind of curious how much sexual fantasy goes on behind the scenes that I'm unaware of.

Is it a prevailing theme even in such entities as my former Work BFF, or... work conversationalists such as Nose Hairs? Is this the driving force behind his need to chat with me any spare moment he has?

I'm a curious mind....
37 Comments

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